Thursday, December 13, 2012

Politically Correct Christmas

(This is a poem that my niece Chelsea posted on her blog.  It's funny, but there's a lot of truth to it too.)  Hope you enjoy it.

Politically Correct Christmas Poem
'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the North Pole,
were alleged by the union, to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished without much propriety,
released to the wild, by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear,
that Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
The runners had been removed from his beautiful sleigh,
because the ruts were deemed dangerous by the EPA,
And millions of people were calling the cops,
when they heard sled noises upon their roof tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened,
and his fur trimmed red suit was called "unenlightened".
To show you the strangeness of today's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose.
He went to Geraldo, in front of the Nation,
demanding millions in over-due workers compensation.
So...half of the reindeer were gone, and his wife who suddenly said she'd had enough of this life,
joined a self-help group, packed and left in a whiz,
demanding from now on that her title was Ms.
And as for gifts...why, he'd never had the notion
that making a choice could cause such commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur...
Which meant nothing for him or nothing for her,
Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot,
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls and nothing for just boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific,
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacifistic.
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish upon the truth.
And fairytales...while not yet forbidden,
were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden,
for they raised the hackles of those psychological,
who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football...someone might get hurt,
besides - playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist and should be passe,
and Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled and perplexed,
he just couldn't figure out what to do next?
He tried to be merry he tried to be gay,
but you have to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, it was flat on the ground,
nothing fully acceptable was anywhere to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might,
give to us all, without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy - with no indecision,
each group of people in every religion.
Every race, every hue,
everyone, everywhere...even you!
So here is that gift, its price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones,
Enjoy peace on earth!"


Terra said...

Clever poem.
Where I work PC mandates we can have a holiday party, not a Christmas party and the city tree is no longer a Christmas tree but is a holiday tree.

Brenda said...

Hey, that's a good one...I'll email or fb this to everyone on my list and it won't cost me a dime!
Seriously, you're right. It's a good poem and too true.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing this. Hope you have a nice weekend.

Connie said...

Great poem. I'd like to meet the person who wrote it.

Sharon said...

How true this is today.
Cute poem and thank you for sharing

Betsy Brock said...

love this...the pc stuff really has gotten out of hand! Cute poem!

Hootin Anni said...

I've read this a few times, but, never tire of it. Thanks for the share Mari...the 'every hue' cracks me up each and every time. I don't know why. :::shrug:::

Jenny said...

Funny in a sad sort of way. We have a friend who teaches in the public school. A student gave her a Christmas tree for her desk and one of the ornaments actually had the word "Christmas" on it. Our friend was summoned to the office as though she had done something wrong. She was told to remove the offending word from her desk and to NEVER refer to the tree -- or the season -- as "Christmas." And we wonder why our children are godless, immoral, angry and violent. God help us. Anything but the truth will suit a liberal.

Pat said...

Boy, this couldn't be any more true, which is really sad. Well written though and it does cause one to really think about the state of things.
As for me and my house...we are totally politically incorrect!
Merry Christmas!

Laura said...

Great poem - sad that it's true though.

Jean said...

Wow!! Funny and sad both.