How long do you worry about your kids?

Worry
Is there an imaginary cutoff period when offspring
become accountable for their own actions?
Is there a moment when parents can become detached
spectators in the lives of their children?

When I was in my twenties,
I stood in a hospital corridor
waiting for doctors to put a few stitches
in my son's head and I asked,
"When do you stop worrying?"
The nurse said,
"When they get out of the accident stage..."
My parents just smiled faintly
and said nothing.

When I was in my thirties,
I sat on a little chair in a classroom
and heard how one of my children
talked incessantly, disrupted the class
and was headed for a career
making license plates.
As if to read my mind, the teacher said,
"Don't worry, they all go through this stage
and then you can sit back,
and enjoy them."
My parents just smiled faintly
and said nothing.

When I was in my forties,
I spent a lifetime waiting
for the phone to ring,
the car to come home,
the front door to open.
A friend said,
"They're trying to find themselves.
Don't worry!
In a few years, they'll be adults.
They'll be off on their own
and you'll have it easy."
My parents just smiled faintly
and said nothing.

By the time I was 50,
I was sick and tired of being vulnerable.
I was still worrying over my children,
but there was a new wrinkle...
Even though they were on their own
I continued to anguish over their failures,
be tormented by their frustrations and
absorbed in their disappointments...
and there was nothing I could do about it.
My parents just smiled faintly
and said nothing.

My friends said that
when my kids got married
I could stop worrying
and lead my own life.
I wanted to believe that,
but I was haunted by my parent's warm smiles
and their occasional,
"You look pale. Are you all right?"
"Call me the minute you get home."
"Are you depressed about something?"

My friends said that
when I became a grandparent
I would get to enjoy
the happy little voices yelling
"Grandma! Papa!"
But now I find that I worry
just as much about the little kids
as the big ones.
How can anyone cope
with all this worry?

I guess parents are sentenced to
a lifetime of worry.
Is worry a curse - or a virtue?


Recently, one of my own children
became quite irritable, saying to me,
"Where were you?
I've been calling for 3 days,
and no one answered.
I was worried."
I smiled a warm smile.
The torch has been passed!