Priceless Quotes

Priceless Quotes

Here's some quotes to start your week off with a smile!

Mark Twain

"Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I've ever seen. I've since been visited by her sister and wish to withdraw that statement."

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a migraine."

Jimmy Durante
"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to take a breath."

Lillian Carter
"Sometimes when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin'."

Socrates
"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."

Eleanor Roosevelt
"I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall'."

Will Rogers
"We could certainly slow the aging process down, if it had to work it's way through Congress."

W.C. Fields
"I never drink water because of the disgusting things fish do in it..."

Phyllis Diller
"Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty... but everything else starts to wear out, fall out or spread out."