Thursday, July 31, 2014

Why did the chicken cross the road?

 A friend posted this on Facebook last week.  I thought it was too funny not to share!

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!
BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.
JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road?
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2014, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2014. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?


Jean said...

Hilarious indeed!! It makes me want to come up with some more!

Judy said...

That is too funny!

Betsy Brock said...

Very, very funny! I giggled the whole way through!

Rebecca said...

Really, REALLY good, Mari! Glad you posted it. Have a great weekend :)

Hootin' Anni said...

Hilarious!!! Gotta love this. All were good, but Cheney's and Grandpa's answers were the best. Oh and Bill Clinton. Dang...they're all funny.

Beth said...

Funny! My favorite is Anderson Cooper's although they are all apot-on for the persons they represent! :>)

Unknown said...

I loved it and laughed through reading them all. I liked how the 'joke' was tied in perfectly to the person. Have a good Friday.

Terri D said...

Very clever!! Thanks for the giggles!

Connie said...

That is hilarious!! Won't you like to meet the guy/gal that came up with this? I would. He/she must be a HOOT!

Jennifer Hays said...

That was so funny! I think I liked Bill Clinton's the best. :)

Jenny said...

Oh this is fantastic. I laughed OUT LOUD at first Al Sharpton, then Nancy Grace, then Ernest Hemingway ... then I chuckled audibly all the way to the end. Brilliant Maribeth ... xoxo

Brooke said...

"did i miss one?" tee hee!!
happy friday!

Linda said...

Ya know..I sure can hear those people saying that. LOLOL--Blessings

Patsy said...

That is so funny!
That would sound just like them.

Michelle said...

LOL...this is too funny not to share.

I'll be passing it on. Thanks for the humor :)

Just Mom said...


Very funny.

Justabeachkat said...

OMG! Tooooo funny! I have to share this with my Mom and aunt. They will get a kick out of it, for sure.


Cherdecor said...

As Jean said, " It makes me want to come up with some more!" So fun!

Anonymous said...

This is hilarious!

Amy at love made my home said...

So funny!! xx

Sally said...

I loved these! And, can't decide which one I like best, although it would probably be Clinton. :)

Kerin said...

Haha! Well, in my opinion, the only one that got it right, was Grandpa!