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Thursday, December 16, 2010

Eating tips for the holidays ;)

My friend, Pat, had this on her blog last week. I thought it was pretty funny and I had to share it!



1. Avoid carrot sticks.

Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet
table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see
carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum
balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can and quickly.

You can't find it any
other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000
calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an
"eggnog-aholic" or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it!!!! Have one for
me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it.

That's the whole point of
gravy. Gravy does not stand-alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of
your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
whole milk.

If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports
car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control
your eating.

The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat
other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello???

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
Year's.

You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.
This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the
buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of
eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position
yourself near them and don't budge.

Have as many as you can before
becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of
shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies.

Apple, pumpkin and mincemeat - have a slice of each.
Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always
have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert?
Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake?

Granted, it's loaded with the
mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have
some standards.

10. One final tip:

If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party
or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread
tips: Start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

27 comments:

Karin said...

This is the greatest advice EVER about family feast get-togethers and other Christmas socials! My fav is the gravy one - I'd just as soon double up on gravy and skip the pies! Hope substitutions are allowed! Totally funny! Loved it! Got to keep a copy somewhere!

Kathy said...

Checking Ebay even now for a reasonably priced vat! Oh, we loved this. Thanks for the laughs, and the tips.

Sue O said...

I have to stand up in defense of fruitcake. A friend gave me a recipe that I make every year and it is a killer. Fruitcake gets a bad rap and I think people are too embarrassed to admit they like it. So, fruitcake lovers of the world unite and shout it out. WE LOVE FRUITCAKE!!!!!!!!

Just Mom said...

LOL!

Agreed with every point, except for No. 9. I love fruitcake, and would probably hang around that all night. :-D

Jane said...

Hi Mari,
This is the best advice I've read all season. I'll do my best to follow the rules!
Jane

Sadie said...

PERFECT! Thank you for the Friday smile! Best advice ever!

Connie said...

I could have wrote this myself! Too Funny........

Brooke said...

:P so you're telling me NOT to put out that broccoli tray tomorrow night?

Sharon said...

What cute tips for the holidays.
I will remember then for sure.
thanks for the Friday laugh.
I needed a pick me up.
Have a great weekend.

HOOTIN' ANNI said...

This is right on!!! I am so heartily in agreement!!! And the gravy....you betcha. This is the only time of year I make it...so I do, I do...eat it on everything. LOL

Loved this. It made me literally LOL

Darla said...

this is possibly the best blog post i've read all year! i love the part about postiioning yourself near the cookies. hahaha! Merry christmas Mary!

Pat said...

I have memorized these tips and plan to put them into action!

Kat said...

Too funny! Sorry though I already follow those rules. LOL Hey, it's Christmas, right?

Just snuck away from the grandkids for a few minutes of blog time :-) but I'm having a ball.

Hugs,
Kat

Rae said...

Good rules to follow:)

Aspiemom said...

Sounds good to me! Very funny!

Nancy said...

How funny, but I like carrot sticks~~~

Margery said...

Love it

Cherdecor said...

Hahahahaha!

Deb said...

Now those are some great tips!! How wonderful to be FREE:) too Funny:)

Abraham Lincoln said...

Did you provide enough ham. Love it. Would only eat it and leave others have the rest of the stuff.

Thanks for visiting the last model from the Lincoln Production Company, Melissa.

Copy and paste the link below to see what Mari saw.

http://abrahamlincolnsblog.blogspot.com/2010/12/baby-factory-announcement.html

le blÖg d'Ötli said...

Super génial extra ;)
I like this special list, especially for carrot and potatoes ;)

le blÖg d'Ötli said...

Super génial extra ;)
I like this special list, especially for carrot and potatoes ;)

Nancy said...

Mari, this is so funny......

Kim said...

hahahahahaha
AMEN!

Jenny the Pirate said...

I adore fruitcake.

Everything else I agree with.

Megan (FriedOkra) said...

I love the gravy one! Same thing goes for butter!

Rebecca said...

Such fun! Only disagreement I have is re. fruitcake. I like it! And reading this makes me realize I got through the Christmas holiday w/o having any! I wonder if anyone wants to get rid of THEIRS????