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Sunday, July 25, 2010

Priceless Quotes

Priceless Quotes

Here's some quotes to start your week off with a smile!

Mark Twain
"Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I've ever seen. I've since been visited by her sister and wish to withdraw that statement."

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a migraine."








Jimmy Durante
"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to take a breath."









Lillian Carter
"Sometimes when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin'."










Socrates
"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."









Eleanor Roosevelt
"I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall'."








Will Rogers
"We could certainly slow the aging process down, if it had to work it's way through Congress."









W.C. Fields
"I never drink water because of the disgusting things fish do in it..."









Phyllis Diller
"Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty... but everything else starts to wear out, fall out or spread out."

22 comments:

Kat said...

Good ones. Thanks for the chuckles.

Hugs,
Kat

Mike Golch said...

I miss the SNOOZE!

Saija said...

i'm smiling ...

Mariel said...

hahaha! very cute :)

Terra said...

The Mark Twain comments are the funniest, for me.

Connie said...

They are funny......

Karin said...

Had a really good laugh here!! Thanks!

A Stone Gatherer said...

Those were great! I wonder of Jimmie feels about what his mother said!!!

HOOTIN' ANNI said...

Great ones indeed!!

The philosophy in Socrates' quote just had me rollin'.

What a great way to begin my week.

Brooke said...

poor Socrates! (pronounced So-Crates in true Bill & Ted form :P)

Jenny the Pirate said...

Those are all great but I'm particularly wild about that Eleanor Roosevelt quote. Makes me laugh out loud every time I read it. Happy Monday, Mari!

Betty said...

Some of these are just hilarious! Love em. Thanks for the laugh.

Nancy said...

Mari, These are so funny...great way to start a Monday...

I hope you will come over and visit me and join at my new blog..
www.createdforajourney.blogspot.com
I was butterfly works; now I am Nancy

thanks

Rebecca said...

A sense of humor carries all of us a long way, doesn't it?! I really enjoyed htese!

Mary said...

Mari, enjoyed the quotes. Hope all is well with you. Have some cute pictures up. Been a while since I posted.

Blessings,
Mary

Susan said...

Enjoyed these quotes. Most of them I had never heard before.

Nancy said...

Very funny quotes, and some are true!!!

Life with Kaishon said...

Oh my gosh I LOVE these Mari! They made me laugh and laugh.

I love the sister one the best : )

Cherdecor said...

I had to read a couple of these to Alan. Thanks for the chuckles!

septembermom said...

They are all great! I love the Durante one!

Kayren, Pink Daisy Girl said...

I'm having a doozy of a week, so I'm just getting around to reading these, but they are hilarious. You think maybe that's why I have migraines? NOT!

Kim said...

Too funny! My favorite is Eleanor Roosevelt's. What a hoot!