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Monday, July 11, 2022

Old Lady

 

A strange old lady has moved into my house 😁
I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she wasn't there, and the next day she was.
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She is a clever old lady and manages to keep out of sight for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And, whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is hogging the whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is very rude! I have tried screaming at her, but she just screams back.
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The least she could do is offer to pay part of the bills, but no. Every once in a while, I find a $5 bill stuck in a coat pocket or some loose change under a sofa cushion, but it is not nearly enough. And I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me. I go to the ATM and withdraw $50 and a few days later, it's all gone! I certainly don't spend money that fast, so I can only conclude the old lady is pilfering from me. You'd think she would spend some of that money to buy wrinkle cream. And money isn't the only thing I think she is stealing.
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Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate-especially the good stuff like ice cream, chips, and sweets. She must have a real sweet tooth, but she'd better watch because she is really packing on the pounds. I suspect she realizes this, and to make herself feel better, she is tampering with my scale to make me think I am putting on weight, too.
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For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games, like going into my wardrobes when I'm not home and altering my clothes so they don't fit. And she messes with my files and papers so I can't find anything. This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat and organized.
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She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do and blurs the print so I can't read it. And she has done something really sinister to the volume controls on my TV, radio, and telephone. Now, all I hear are mumbles and whispers. She has done other things-like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum heavier and all the knob and taps harder to turn. She even made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge.
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Lately, she has been fooling with my groceries before I put them away, applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for me to open the jars. She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on, she stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it. She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus, she keeps me from seeing how great they look on me.
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Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She came along when I went to get my picture taken for my driver's license, and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me
I hope she never finds out where you live! 😂🤣
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Author Unknown

18 comments:

  1. This is so cute and TRUE for all of us "old ladies" in the world. Thanks for sharing. :-)

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  2. I think she has already found me! And it is useless trying to lock her out, she can get in anywhere, whenever she wants!

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  3. Rofl. Well, too late, she has paid me a visit and decide to stay.

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  4. LOL... I've seen that woman at my house too!! Thanks for the giggles!

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  5. That is cute. I've caught glimpses of her at my house too. :)

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  6. I think her sister has moved in with us!

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  7. I feel this on so many levels! :)

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  8. She's been at my door for years but I refuse to let her in, haaahaha ... please don't tell me I'm confused. xoxo

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  9. Oh she live here too! I remember years ago, my mother telling me that she forgets she's old until she looks into the mirror, but I didn't really get it, because one cannot really imagine one's mother as ever being young. Now, I get it. I get it when I try to jump up quick, ha, there is no QUICK. Thank you for the laughs today:)

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  10. Too late . She has found my house now and no matter how I try she stays on.

    Always late...I enjoyed your last post, a day in your life. You are a busy lady. You get so much done and still enjoy time out with Bob. Just this morning I saw a mother deer with twins. They were nursing. The mother was standing on the dam at the pond. Sure brightened my day.

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  11. Too late...I think she's already been around here. hahaha

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